The Ache That Feeds

I have just watched Back to Black, the movie about Amy Winehouse. It reminded me that it’s a universal truth that trauma can exist without addiction, but addiction cannot flourish without the fertile soil of trauma.

The statistics are grim: an overwhelming 80% of addicts relapse, underscoring the profound inadequacy of our current medical interventions. 

Our pharmacological arsenal, it seems, is a blunt instrument against the intricate psyche of an addict.

We misunderstand addiction by focusing on substances – alcohol, drugs, sex, tobacco, gambling and treat the symptom, and rarely the cause. 

What addicts truly seek is an escape from the relentless, gnawing void within. 

The painful irony is that their chosen vices will never fill that emptiness.

Recovery, while possible and indeed frequent, does not herald a return to the status quo. Former addicts emerge transformed, their perspectives forever altered. 

As one recovering addict insightfully noted: “Addiction is selfish. Recovery is selfish. The difference lies in the health of that selfishness and its impact on oneself and others.”

Reflecting on this, I recall a dinner years ago in London with a businessman from Asia. He confessed to battling and thankfully overcoming multiple addictions, with alcohol and gambling wreaking the most havoc on his life. His triumph was not just in overcoming these vices but in conquering the hardest addiction of all he’d faced – lying, particularly the innocuous white lies of everyday life.

It is easy to imagine a husband resorting to a white lie when faced with the perilous question, “Does my bum look big in this?”

A 2010 Human Communication Research study delved into the nature of our deceptions. Participants categorised their lies – big lies, small lies, misleading information, lies to protect others, false statements, and truths with essential details omitted or fabricated. 

The findings? An average of 1.65 lies per day. My initial reaction was scepticism: “Is that all?” – until I pondered the possibility that participants might be lying about their lying.

If you believe you have no addictions, have you ever wondered why a packet of Doritos or a tin of Pringles vanishes in one sitting?  Perhaps the answer lies in the sinister underbelly of food production.

For those grappling with addiction – whether it’s drugs, alcohol, nicotine, sex, gambling, video games, shopping, overwork or something minimal – the information in the links below is valuable.

To truly understand addiction, Dr. Gabor Maté posits, we must ask not “why the addiction?” but “why the pain?”

1. TED: Everything you think you know about addiction is wrong (3:38)
2. Gabor Mate: The Hungry Ghost Inside Us (6:33)

In the end, it’s not merely about curbing the craving but understanding the ache that feeds it.